Just Say No!...to Negativity

So today after work I talked to my best friend's mom and she said my blog was too negative. Does anyone else agree? I mean, I am kind of a pessimistic, cynical person. I used to not be that way, but in the last few years, I've become a downer. So it's time to turn over a new leaf. I deleted a couple entries and edited out the negative, angry parts.

I hope everyone that reads my blog realizes that I'm not a Negative Nelly. I do look forward to things and there are still things that make me happy. Recently I was listening to Ray LaMontagne's song where the chrous is, "You are the best thing, you are the best thing, that ever happened to me." And I realized something...I am the best thing that ever happened to me. And I need to remember that when I'm low. I can't depend on other people to make me happy or to bring meaning to my life. I should be the person to do that for myself. I have a lot of things to be thankful for and happy about.

I'm thankful for myself. I'm thankful for my sanity. I'm thankful for my talents. I'm thankful for my family. I'm thankful for my friends, for sunny days, for hot baths, for my comfy bed and that I get to live in Austin. There are a million more things that I am thankful for, but those are just a few.

I've made a new friend recently. His name is Wright and he's the best! We are kindred spirits. We are both creative writery types. He has a short film idea in the works and so do I. We bounce ideas off each other and talk about everything under the sun. New friends are the best.

I just realized that I never wrote about my friend Jessica Chermely who passed away in September. She was in a car accident and died instantly. She and I were friends at UTA my freshman year. I miss her a lot. I think about her often. It's horrible to lose a friend.

Well I'm gonna try to update more often and to make sure to be more positive. Give me feedback! Love you all.

xoxo
Grace

Melancholy

Today my best friend Sylvia told me this, "However much you miss someone is how much happiness you felt when you were with them."

I wonder if that's true. I wonder if anything is true anymore...

Good News

My beautiful parents last winter (ignore the date on the pic, it's wrong)

I can still turn in all my over-due coursework!! At first, it looked like I wasn't going to be able to turn it in and that I would actually get a "C" in an English class. I don't make Cs. Noooo no no. So I'm glad that I can still save my grade and my GPA. I've been obsessed with grades since elementary school when I used to cruise by all the other kids. Lol. So I have to write like 3 papers tonight so I figured I'd update my blog now so I'm not tempted to do it later.

I wasn't going to go in to work today because I wasn't feeling well, but I went in anyway. I'm glad I did because all my kids ran up to me when I came in and yelled, "Miss Grace!" and gave me hugs and kisses. It was the best. =) I love children!!! Still, the jury's still out on whether or not I'm going to have any of my own...

My mom's birthday was Sunday. She is 54 years old now. I can't believe it! She looks about 45. Seriously. Anyway, I am getting my mom a movie called "Wild Hearts Can't Be Broken". It's this super-cute 90s movie about a riding girl. She always talks about that movie so I'm gonna get it when I have money. My dad and sister took her out to Fadi's (her fave restaurant) and got her boots from DSW. I wish I could have been there to celebrate with them.

Gotta go eat and write.

XoxoGrace

Pain Sucks (duh)

So I've been in a lot of pain for the past 24 hours. I don't know why that is, but my painkillers don't seem to be working. I'm really depressed as a result and have been crying off and on all night. I'm about to go to bed, but I figured I should write about my agony. I'm seriously tired of having to live my life this way. I feel like half a person. No one understands or seems much interested in understanding what I'm going through other than my family. I hate being in pain all the time. I hate how it skyrockets to a 9-10 out of nowhere. I hate how stress makes it worse. I hate how I can't even bend over to sweep my room at the end of the day not to mention picking up the kids (who are sometimes heavy) and push them in the swings. It definitely hurts my back. I only work 3 hours a day from 3-6 but at the end of it I feel so tired and worn out. I don't think I can keep up this work schedule much longer. That makes me sad. I love my kids and I like being there everyday. But I'm really feeling it. I hate my body. I hate my muscles. I hate my tears. I hate my sadness. I can't stand this anymore!! Anyway, I'm gonna go cry some more and generally feel sorry for myself. There isn't much else to do...

Yeah, Whatever

I bought a Texercise pass at the beginning of the semester to Gregory Gym with the intention of working out at least every week. Well, I didn't use it once. Nope, not even once. So I'm going to look into getting a refund. I wish I would have worked out more. Exercise helps.

I have 3 papers to write, a final Friday, and then I'm DONE! Yay! I can't wait for this semester to be over. It was quite hellish.

XOXOGrace

I love Ana-Clara (and my other kids)!

This is Sophia. She's adopted from Guatemala.

This is Carey at his house. I've baby-sat for him a few times. He's so precious. Too bad he's moving back to D.C. soon. I'll miss you little guy!


Kayla is adorable. And next to her is Henry, who is French.

Jordan being cute. All the kids had a hard time keeping their eyes open when smiling. He has a twin named Hudson.
This is Conrad. He has a twin named Smith, who is a girl by the way.

This is Ben. He's a cutie. He's really mischievous, but smart and adorable.


The reason I look forward to coming in to work every day: My Ana-Clara. Yesterday when i came in all the kids ran up to me and hugged me and showed me what they were playing with. It was so sweet! And today I got kisses from Ben, Carey, Ana-Clara, and Sophia.

How I'm Dealing

Right now this is what I'm doing to cope with FM:

1. Ben-Gay
All the time. Everyday, and especially at night, when my muscles are super tight and the pain and discomfort keeps me from falling asleep.

2. Massage
I signed up with Massage Envy and I'm supposed to be getting a weekly massage, but I've been super busy with school and work so that hasn't been happening. But I just got one yesterday and it was so-so. Since I told the dude I had FM, he assumed that the slightest touch would hurt me, so he really didn't do a deep-tissue massage (which is what I asked for). Next time I have to let them know they have to whale on my back like I'm a 300lb. linebacker. Seriously, that's the only way to break up the fascia.

3. Heating pad
I crank that up a lot. Usually at night, or when I'm sitting at my desk.

4. Rice neck thingie
My best friend Bree bought it for me at Bath & Body Works. I heat it up in the microwave for 3 minutes and then take it out and put it on my neck and shoulders. It feels nice.

5. Hand massager
I used my Chase Reward points to buy it. I haven't used all the attachments yet, but it's more trouble to work it so I don't use it that much.

6. Painkillers
This should actually be Number 1 on the list. I have to pop about 3 of these a day to survive. It sucks. I hate being on meds.

7. Scalding-hot baths
I take a lot of baths. I use about a cup of epsom salts and some Bath & Body Works Eucalyptus Spearmint salts. I also light candles and lean back on my bath pillow and try to relax. It's nice.

8. MEDS unit (aka TENS unit)
I'm using this thing that emits electrical frequencies into my muscles. I just got the vest but haven't tried it on yet. I haven't noticed much help from it yet. But hopefully when I start using it more regularly...

Anyone who's reading this that has FM is probably like, where's her exercise regimen? And why isn't she eating healthy? Yeah, not doing either of those. Don't really have time. I did do a bit of yoga earlier in the semester, but haven't done it lately. I just want to find something that will WORK. Hopefully I find something that will help me live life rather than just cope.