I'm Always Awake...

That title could mean that I'm always up at night, or it could mean that I'm always awake when everyone else is asleep in life. Meaning that I'm always aware of things, oftentimes, hyper-aware of things. I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes. I think too much and I over-think. I think sad, depressing, suicidal thoughts a lot and I don't know how to stop. I've tried to think positive, but it's too difficult to pretend that everything is roses and sunshine when I'm constantly in so much pain.

I wish I had someone to go through life with. Someone to lean on. Someone who understands me and doesn't think I'm crazy. Someone who believes that I'm actually in pain and who also believes that I desperately want to get better. Someone who can rub ben-gay on my back and give me massages, and write me love letters, and who is just altogether amazing. I'm not so sure if this "someone" exists. But if he does, he better show himself soon, before I write all men off forever. I'm tired of waiting. Yes, I realize I'm only 23, but I feel like I'm 48 with all the things I've been through. I feel like an old woman with old woman problems and sadness, and pain.

Anyways, I'm not moving out of my apartment until July 31st. I have a roommate now who is living with me illegally. I had the bright idea to rent out the other room in my apartment that I'm not leasing. So she pays me rent and that is how I get by. I baby-sat a couple weekends ago as well, and got money from that, and I'm baby-sitting again this weekend for a whole weekend. So I'll get $300. I also have an interview Wednesday night and another interview later this week at a Greek Restaurant. I've memorized the menu, and I have to memorize the drink list tomorrow.

I've been doing a few photo shoots. I'll post a few of the pics later. I'm planning another shoot in a few weeks and possibly another next week. I might break down and do a group photo shoot Friday. We don't get free pics, or wardrobe, or pay! I know, it's ridiculous, but I don't want to miss out on an opportunity. So I might decide to do it.

I've also been recording a demo. I've recorded some covers: Love is a Losing Game by Amy WInehouse, I'll Know by Fiona Apple, Trust in Me by Etta James, and Dirty Man by Joss Stone. I can't wait to hear what they sound like edited. We're also doing a photo shoot for the press kit we're putting together. I'm going by Gracetta and we're making a Myspace soon. I'm so excited! I can't wait to get out there and sing.

Please comment if you're still reading. Love you all.

xoxo Grace